i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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