I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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