Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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