do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
