I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
