did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
