I wish I could punch you in the face.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
