I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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