There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
