i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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