You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
