I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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