Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I understand Curling. That high.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
