so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
