and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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