Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
