peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
