I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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