sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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