Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
