The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You are a genius and a whore.
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