Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm like, not good at living.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
