yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
