So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
