not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
