you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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