Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
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