so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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