Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
