right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm bleeding and have questions
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
