like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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