I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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