i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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