Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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