The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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