just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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