Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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