I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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