just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
