saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
