I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
