You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
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