He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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