i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
