On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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