Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
