I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
