Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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