After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
lol hangovers are for mortals.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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