I hate your face
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
