You made me cry and you don't even care
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
