What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
you had me at cake vodka
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
