We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
