If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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