i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
